oh, and i got my insurance things taken care of, so a great deal of the 2500$ to fix my teeth up again, will be paid by the union health care plan. which helps a bit. once i get this little problem of mine fixed up, and am freed from the chains of the Slave Mines of Doomª, i will do a bit of travel, go smoke some boo in amsterdam, maybe rent a car and drive around the roads of ireland, and a trip to berchtesgaden's eagle's nest to pay homage to 'german culture' HAHAHAHAHA.

no. i see no reason to go to a land where i'm going to be hated for my identity 'qua american'. i'd rather spend my rapidly devaluating dollars in a pub in ireland drinking with people who at least speak my own lingo (even if their aquisition of it was a horrendous process that defies all concepts of humanity and justice). australia might be a cool place to see. i'm not sure where to go. i still find australia/new zealand attractive 'cause the dollar goes pretty far there, and also the lack of language barriers. that german was a jawbreaker of a language and i never could seem to understand certain things about it, which didnt help my self-guided journey tryin' to learn it.

i gotta get the root canal first (shudder) and get these choppers back into some decent shape. i finally reached an epiphany, which i suppose i have you to think for. my last 'human contact' left which forced me to think about change....so i suppose i should thank you, but fuck it. i'm still pissed. the more i thought about it, it was like you showed up that day 'layin' for me, as they say, just waiting for something to provoke an argument as justification to bail. but anyway, i cant really hang out with people who refer to other humans as 'nigger' anyway. i dont believe in that shit. the only 'niggers' are the ones who use the term.

no man is 'illegal' and there's only one race

well, a week's gone and i havent wrote. guess i never will. i've been tempted, but swore that i would not do so, and at this point i have to prove at least something to myself. i'm still feeling the same sad way, but what the fuck? life goes on and we must go with it. been keeping another blog also for the rest of the world. this one's only for you. i am sure you dont read it anyway. just as well. the more i think, the more questions and supicions i have. what's the point, really, of loving someone who tells you you're delusional and that you dont? life is shit. i mean, sometimes anyway.

i've been listening to this songa lot, lately.

one line within the song particularly speaks to me.....

bird on the wing


i once knew a lady
i called her 'sunshine'
she always was such
a good friend of mine
then out of the blue
at least that's how it seemed
she called me her 'angel'
and i'd never dreamed....

so i started to dream
and my mind flew away
'til i was so crazy
that night looked like day
but in the meantime
in my madness and pain
i destroyed our friendship
i guess i drove her insane

for one day she left
without saying a word
from the cage of my love
she flew like a bird
left me to stand here
and ponder these things
friendship and love
and a bird on the wing....